Archives: December 2007

Match My Friends: What not to say

Start a love story. Match your friends.

A new ad and website appeared this week– Brilliant marketing! What you won’t do for yourself you’ll do for your friends—and secretly hope they do it for you. Like a surprise party! Does anyone really appreciate a match-maker? Of course, when they’re not blatant about it. Why not silently arrange a rendezvous? It’s easy to have both people show up in the same location. It’s the darned announcing of “said meeting” that makes everyone uncomfortable. Don’t even start a conversation with “you’ve gotta meet Bob, he’s blah, blah, blah, and perfect for you.” Just leave that in your head, unspoken, and arrange a meeting. If they are “perfect” for each other, then fate will step in and what happens next is unstoppable—because that’s what happens in true love. Something primordial takes over. Call it chemistry; call it passion, but a force all consuming steps in and you’re on a shooting star heading out to heaven. Who doesn’t appreciate a hook-up, no matter where it comes from or who sets it up? It’s just a lot easier to let happen. Love throws its own surprise party.
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Exchange Policy: Changing damaging thoughts for positive thoughts

It’s five days til Christmas and I’ve yet to do my shopping. I’m not a procrastinator by mental wiring. I like getting projects done before deadlines loom. I’ve been putting off my shopping until the cash flow improves. I have been browsing for gifts for my three teenagers online though, and I’m reading the Exchange Policies. After all, what good is a present if the person doesn’t like it and won’t use it.  Many companies make exchanging items easy. And all this has me thinking of my own internal “exchange policies.” Here’s one thought I’ve recently exchanged:

I recently parted from a j-o-b.  My first in 16 years actually. I’ve run my own sales/marketing/communications company since 1991 and early this past year, strapped for cash and credit limits maxed, I became an employee for someone else. It was a brutal mental game. I worked everyday to “hold the light” and be positive as I worked in an office focused on the negative–mine, our team’s, and our client’s. I cried every Monday morning. The stress was tremendous.

Time to activate the Exchange Policy! I’ve exchanged the stress of having to work for someone else with the pressure of once again being on my own–self-sufficient, and responsible for three teenagers, two cats, and a condo. I’ve got January’s rent covered. February? Yet to be determined.

But if I get to choose–and you know I do–I choose the pressure of the unknown versus the pressures put upon me by others. I’m back in positive mode full time–and no longer crying on Monday mornings. My days are my own to make or break–and I choose to “wonder” where the next client is coming from versus the thoughts of how to cope in an energy cesspool.

Occasionally I replace the pressures of a job with the fears of not being financially successful, but who’s got time for such nonsense thoughts. And isn’t it wonderful knowing that if the fears do creep in, I can exchange those, too.

Communication Made Simple: S-O-F-T-E-N Your Approach with an Acronym

Communication Made Simple:  S-O-F-T-E-N Your Approach

Here’s a simple acronym that’ll help you build rapport with almost everyone you meet.

“S” Stands for smile.  To make a great impression, always wear a smile.  (Or at least a pleasant expression on your face.)  You’re never fully dressed without your smile.  Put it on in the morning when you put on your underwear.  (If you don’t wear underwear, that’s a whole ‘nother reason to smile.)

“O” stands for open.  Keep your body posture open.  Don’t cross your arms in front of your chest or stomach—it’s closes off the third chakra energy center.  If you must, put your hands in your front pockets—although back pockets are best as it opens up your energy centers even more.

“F” stands for forward lean.  Show people you’re interested in them by leaning slightly toward them.  If you’re standing next to them, bend the knee that’s closest two them to produce a natural stance.  At the very least, tilt your head in their direction.

“T” stands for touch.  Occasionally reach over and touch the person you’re speaking to on the hand or arm, perhaps the shoulder or upper back.  It builds camaraderie and rapport with a simple exchange of energy.  Careful not to offend with an unwanted lingering touch.

“E” stands for eye contact.  Eyes are the windows to the soul.  (That makes your eyebrows the curtains.)  Some people have very direct eye contact and others are more comfortable with intermittent eye contact.  Look people in the eye but soften your gaze if they start to advert their eyes.  Imagine using a dimmer switch to turn down the “volume” or intensity of your gaze.

“N” stands for nod.  Use visual confirmation that you’re listening—nod your head while you’re making eye contact with the person who is talking.  Notice that women nod their heads more than men.  Women nod to indicate “yes, I’m listening.”  Men nod their heads when they are in agreement.