Words to Live by
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Number 9 of the “24 Interludes of Life” as shared on Telling It Like It Is, a site which promotes “things you need to know about raising children, relationships, marriage and parenting.”
A careless word may kindle a strife
A cruel word may wreck a life
A timely word may level stress
A lovely word may heal and bless
What if all of your words were lovely?
Bounce-back Ability
I’ve been on a free-fall. Just read the last few posts. Nothing cheery to write home about, no silver linings. The harder I fought it, the more stressed I became. I kept searching for a way to MAKE it end, and finally it has.
I’m moving. Letting go of my home of the last 10 years to move in with a girl friend so I can financially make ends meet. I can no longer do it alone. That decision for me, was hitting bottom. I love my space, a small condo near a mountain lake. This is where I’ve raised my family. There’s sadness is leaving.
But, and it’s BIG! Letting go of $1200 in rent and utilities will allow me to live again. Yes, it’s on unemployment, but it is a little help until I find a better paying job or one of my business endeavors pays-off. It’s breathing room and a sigh of relief. I’ve been carrying this money monster for so long!!
“The farther you fall, the higher you bounce,” is what Million-Dollar Mary Kay National Sales Director Monique Todd used to tell me. I know it’s true because the momentum has already shifted. I’m looking forward for the first time in months. Looking forward to the first snow when I’ll be tucked into my new space, surrounded by a lot of my favorite things. (She’s got the space! What a blessing!) Looking forward to affording gas and lunch out with friends as I work my businesses and network for a job. Looking forward to having a little money to buy boots and jackets for the kids. Looking forward, that’s the key.
I predict this buoyant excitement will last awhile; I’ve been falling for awhile. But, if the laws of physics hold true, then a bounce equal to the fall is happening now! And it’s just getting started! Goodbye fear, regret, and worry. Greetings courage, hope, enthusiasm, and spunk! Time to enjoy the bounce… bounce… bounce… bounce.…
Lost My “Give-a-Shit”
If you find it, let me know. I had it when I went to bed last night, had it when I woke up at 1:30 a.m. If I was a detective, I’d pinpoint the crime—if indeed there is one—sometime between the hours of 2:00 and 3:30 a.m. I think I had it when I did dishes, that would be around 2 a.m. I like doing dishes; I always have. It’s my “go to” activity when I don’t know where to start or what to do next. I do them first thing in the morning as a way to clear my head and set the compass for the day and I do them in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep. Maybe my “give-a-shit” drained away in the dish water.
I do know, as I returned to bed and lay there in an anxiety-ridden heap of useless flesh, that the only way through this personal crisis is to write. But I’ve been postponing posting (ha, isn’t that an interesting play on words) because I was taught “if you can’t say anything nice…” you know the adage. Well, I’ve got nothing good to say. I’m in a fucking dark hole. Have been for years (not just months—years) and the harder I work the deeper the hole gets. Stop digging, some people say. Work smarter, not harder; run and pray; believe; keep-on-keepin’-on. Insert your own F’ed-up positive-thinking bullshit right here. And let me tell you, I’ve tried them all; I’ve taught them all. I’m not new to The Secret. Brian Tracy taught me the underlying principles in The Secret in his audio program, The Psychology of Achievement when I was 24 years old. I believed it so much, I’ve lived my life doing affirmations, and striving to turn every negative statement and situation I encounter to a positive experience. It’s all bullshit. And I don’t care who’s reading this or what your perspective is, it’s not working for me. Life is not working for me. And I don’t give a shit who knows it. That’s the “give-a-shit” that went missing around 3:00 last night.
“Fake it til you make it.” A statement I learned in Mary Kay as I struggled to build my team and become a Sales Director—a positive affirmation in action if I ever heard one. My ex-husband, who tends to be a realist, used to tell me I was just lying to myself. Well, I’m done lying to myself and others.
No, I’m not fine. Life is a shit sandwich and I’m the creamy middle. There’s no one to help, no one I can count on. And I’m so damned exhausted from trying so hard, I no longer care who knows it. To quote my favorite band, “I don’t want to fake it anymore.” (Widespread Panic, Imitation Leather Shoes)
Every day is a struggle. I see no reprieve from this stressful financial situation and no joy on the horizon. I’m unemployed and the first unemployment check won’t be here for 6-8 weeks. I’m in need of capital so I can start my own business (because “when the going gets tough, the tough get going” and make their own success—isn’t that the capitalistic bullshit we’ve all been taught?). I’ve been going backwards financially since May of 09 and the credit cards are maxed. Rent is due in two weeks and I’ve already tapped the folks and best friend for cash. I need to move out of my apartment but have no place to go or no money to work with. I’m down to my last few dollars and hope hasn’t been in my vocabulary for…ever (unless you count that tequila buzz I had two weeks ago—which turned out to be an alcohol-induced illusion.)
Do I give-a-shit what you think of this blog post? Or my situation? Or my character? Nope. I’ve lost it. If you find it, keep it.
Stressed Out to Stretched Out: Coping with Pressure
I’m always looking for the positive–especially in the stink of things. I look for the horse in the pile of manure, the proverbial silver lining, and believe the Universe has got my back–even when I don’t see it.
I believe our words create our worlds, and the simple turn of a phrase can turn the energy of a situation from funky to fabulous. Please don’t think I’m advocating positive thinking as the only option for dealing with stress. Since I trust in the Law of Attraction, it works for me–mentally and especially emotionally. I know good things are coming my way if I can stay open to the good. For those who embrace skepticism, cynicism and pessimism–if it’s working for you, go for it. Perhaps if expectations are low, you’ll always be pleasantly surprised. Hmmm, there’s a certain logic to that I must admit. I can see why so many embrace that thinking.
Coping with stress can be … tough … challenging … a bitch! And I’ve recently run into that with economic realities. Owning my own business and raising three kids has never been tougher. And I’ve been doing my share of stressing.
But the time for stressing is over. Stress just means my world is too limited. I don’t have enough solutions to the new problems in my life. Stress simply means I’m caught in old patterns of thinking and acting. To bring change to myself and the world, I have to begin with myself.
It’s time to stretch. Stretch to new ways of doing business, new ways of making money, new ways of serving people. It’s time to stretch my mind–look for new perspectives. Time to stretch my legs–increase my physical stamina.
Stressed out to stretched out simply means moving past what’s familiar to being comfortable in the unknown. We don’t have to change everything, we just have to expand what we are already doing–do just a little bit more. Push our brains a bit further. Believe that negative can become positive–and that’s when life gets interesting.
Surrendering to the “Yucks”
I awoke today to a familiar feeling–the yucks. I HATE that feeling! I fight that feeling a lot when I’m under pressure.
Being a student of The Law of Attraction, I knew I had to change that stinkin’ thinkin’ to thoughts that were positive. So into my self-help library I delved. The Power of I AM, a book by John Maxwell Taylor, was on the top of the stack by the bed. I grabbed it and searched for a tidbit of info that would transform my thoughts to something brighter…to no avail.
I then resorted to prayer and meditation. My mind refused to let me see the light. I felt like I was in a fog of negativity. And just as peering into a deep fog does nothing to help clear it, peering into my consciousness had the same effect–or lack there of. I fought it for hours not wanting to acknowledge the problems that were making me anxious. Not wanting to BE anxious! Finally, around noon, after hours of fighting tears and sadness, I gave in and welcomed the problem. As Tama Kieves says in her book This Time I Dance, I invited the problem in for tea and crumpets. “Well, as long as the problem is here, we all might as well get comfortable with it.” Instantly I felt better–a complete turn-around.
How did I do it? One simple little word helped me–the word “well….” “Well” is a transition word, a word that moves your mind from one thought to another. “Well” acknowledges the situation you’re in but still opens to a different, kinder outcome than the one you are imagining. It’s easier to let go of negative thinking when you move it forward one thought at a time. And I do that one word at a time.
“Well” is a word that moves me forward.
Exchange Policy: Changing damaging thoughts for positive thoughts
It’s five days til Christmas and I’ve yet to do my shopping. I’m not a procrastinator by mental wiring. I like getting projects done before deadlines loom. I’ve been putting off my shopping until the cash flow improves. I have been browsing for gifts for my three teenagers online though, and I’m reading the Exchange Policies. After all, what good is a present if the person doesn’t like it and won’t use it. Many companies make exchanging items easy. And all this has me thinking of my own internal “exchange policies.” Here’s one thought I’ve recently exchanged:
I recently parted from a j-o-b. My first in 16 years actually. I’ve run my own sales/marketing/communications company since 1991 and early this past year, strapped for cash and credit limits maxed, I became an employee for someone else. It was a brutal mental game. I worked everyday to “hold the light” and be positive as I worked in an office focused on the negative–mine, our team’s, and our client’s. I cried every Monday morning. The stress was tremendous.
Time to activate the Exchange Policy! I’ve exchanged the stress of having to work for someone else with the pressure of once again being on my own–self-sufficient, and responsible for three teenagers, two cats, and a condo. I’ve got January’s rent covered. February? Yet to be determined.
But if I get to choose–and you know I do–I choose the pressure of the unknown versus the pressures put upon me by others. I’m back in positive mode full time–and no longer crying on Monday mornings. My days are my own to make or break–and I choose to “wonder” where the next client is coming from versus the thoughts of how to cope in an energy cesspool.
Occasionally I replace the pressures of a job with the fears of not being financially successful, but who’s got time for such nonsense thoughts. And isn’t it wonderful knowing that if the fears do creep in, I can exchange those, too.
Personal Transformation: Words to Let Go
Our words create our worlds.
Positive affirmations, prayers, spells, whatever you call them, what we speak has a greater potential of turning into reality than the words we don’t speak. That’s why I try hard to never utter words or phrases that I don’t want to come true. And I’ll deny or negate negative phrases when someone idly tosses them my way…like, you’re going to get a speeding ticket–you’re due. Delete, delete–not me!
Here are a few words I’m letting go of–removing from my vocabulary–now:
1. FEAR. I’m letting go of fear in the traditional sense of the anxiety and doubts we focus our thoughts on. Someone once told me FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. Translation: A situation only appears fearful because of the interpretations we place on it. I’m changing my interpretation of FEAR to Forgetting Everything’s All Right.
2. WORRY. Worrying is stewing without doing. Worry is also a fear-based emotion. Playing off of Forgetting Everything’s All Right, I’m letting go of the emotional angst of worry. After all, worry is only a question of what’s going to happen in the future. From now on I’m going to “wonder” what will happen. Instead of “I’m worried about what’s going to happen,” I choose to think (and speak) “I WONDER what’s going to happen.” It’s open with positive expectation.
3. BUT. When’s the last time you were “but”ed in a conversation? And how did it make you feel? Negated, right? And how about the popular phrase “yes, but”? It sounds as if someone is agreeing with you but they’re not. They’re negating your words (and consequently your opinion and you). Instead of “but,” why not the word “and”? “Yes, and have you thought of this?” Or, “yes, and I see it this way.” AND is a word that affirms the other while opening them to another way of looking at something. Your way.
Let go of these words and you’ll let go of a bit of negativity.