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If you are suffering, call the Suicide Hotline: 800 273-8255

It’s okay to kill yourself, is the theme of A Star is Born movie.

And what a kick in the teeth it is. It’s okay to kill yourself IF you love someone enough and you’re afraid you’ll damage their career. What the fuck?! Who produced this? Was it Bradly Cooper and Gaga? Or are they just the ones that perpetuated—YES, PERPETUATED THAT guilt trip: IF you love someone enough, it is NOT okay to kill yourself! They are NOT better off without you! THAT’s the LIE depression and especially that suicidal voice in your head will tell you. ‘It’s okay to commit suicide and leave the planet because those around you would be better without you.’ And that just isn’t true.

The movie A Star is Born is telling that story.

And I don’t remember that in the original with Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson. John Norman does indeed die in the end, but it’s a car crash. HE DIDN’T HANG HIMSELF for fucks sake. He died a tragic death, but not at his own hand. At the hand of fate, or God, or the Universe, whatever you believe. If that was the message intended, that he crashed his car on purpose, I guess I missed that in the remake of the musical remake of the original. If you’re interested, google “A Star Is Born wiki.” I’ll have to go back and watch the end of the other movie. Maybe it did end that way. And if so, maybe THAT’s when I was conditioned to believe that my family, my kids would be better off without me.

I’ve had those thoughts, twice in my life. They were dark, low spots. And I was truly convinced I was hurting those around me by being me. I had shrinks telling me I was bipolar and that I wasn’t all right. I don’t remember anyone telling me I was mentally ILL, but they put me on lithium. Yes, One-Flew-Over-The-Cookoo’s-Nest lithium. I turned into a zombie, my own personal version of the walking dead. I did that for two weeks, but my spirit bust loose and through the haze. I KNEW there was more for me to do than trudge through life in a big-pharma-induced coma. I told the Doctor I WOULDN’T be taking drugs. At least not THAT drug. Today, I use natural cures and exercise and a whole lot of yoga to combat depression, and that nasty little gremlin in my head that says others would be better off without me? That little fucker is gone. I know my family needs me, and I’m here for the long haul. On fate, God and the Universe’s good graces.

I’m here to say, don’t kill yourself. Whatever you are going through WILL eventually be okay, because if it’s not okay, it’s not the end. Maybe that’s a warped philosophy to many. For me it’s been proven again and again in my life. There’s also your business, my business, and God’s business. I didn’t say we’d each necessarily see the happy ending in this lifetime; that might happen from the other side. That’s God’s business. It’s a mystery. It’s thee mystery. And someday I’ll know. Someday, we’ll all know. Until then, I’ll tend to my own business—and yours! If you’ll let me. I’m here with an ear. There are many of us. And we need you to do your part. You need to speak-up. Talk! And since I’m not available 24-hrs a day, the angels at the Suicide Hotline are, and they are ready to help:

 800 273-8255

I guess Bradly Cooper never got that message. He should have called.

I was disappointed in A Star Is Born. And I was angered. Cooper and Gaga were awesome together, but creepy after. The song “Shallows” was overplayed. Watching them together made me really uncomfortable. It was weird. Thumbs down. I give it one star. I hated it. I hated everything having to do with it, the remake. It reminds me of the darkest part of myself and my many lives.

Life is hard. And it hurts sometimes.

But. It is also precious! And life is a gift! And having kids, friends, a partner, a passion, a purpose, and a job make the hard times bearable, because tomorrow IS another day: another chance to get it right. IF you don’t buy into the LUDICROUS THOUGHT THAT THE ONES YOU LOVE WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU.

That’s pure bullshit.

That’s what THIS star says.

#LoquaciousLindee

P.S. Why Worry when you can Wonder. Read more…

rainy day at airport A rainy day delay helps grow patience.

I try too hard sometimes. Like right now. I’m trying to get home.

If I had just waited the weather out, I’d probably be boarding my Seattle flight to Denver right now, arriving home by 5. Well, land at 5:00 which puts me home at 7 p.m. But instead, I listened to the Weather Channel, got a 30 minute flight delay notice, checked Raindar, saw a HUGE storm over Seattle.

Then I read of tornados in Portland, checked Raindar again, boarded my flight to Seattle just to be grounded for an hour and a half and then dumped in the terminal to wait it out. After checking Raindar again, I called Travel.

Thanks goodness I have a go-to person at the office; I didn’t have to stand behind fifty other people trying to find a different way out. John swiftly and graciously got me down the road 90 miles to the closest airport, and a guaranteed flight to Salt Lake City, then home to Denver, arriving by 10 p.m. Weather looked good. It was guaranteed.

So now I’m at the Pasco airport, waiting, watching the planes go by, listening to their Seattle flight being called, and wondering, would I be on that Seattle-to-Denver flight home right now, if I hadn’t been proactive and found myself a different route home.

¯_( )_/¯

Who knows. I should stop trying so hard, pushing so much. I think that’s the “lesson,” if there is one.

I seldom sit down and enjoy, relax, just be. I’m doing something 90% of the time I’m not sleeping. That usually involves pushing hard to make money to pay the bills. I need to let more come to me. I’d better reread the book The Law of Attraction, by Ester and Jerry Hicks.

In lieu of that, I’m just going to sit here awhile, very still, very quiet and think good thoughts. Okay, first I’m going to finish this blog, then sit here, very quietly, thinking good thoughts. I’m going to slow down, enjoy the travel day, and get home when I get home. There is no problem I have to deal with, everyone is taken care of, my sweetheart is waiting for me. And he’ll be there when I get there.

Hmmm, maybe being proactive and pushing too hard wasn’t such a bad thing. It gave me time to sit down and write after all, and that always helps me let the good in.

Oh, I just heard someone say their flight was cancelled into Seattle earlier today and now they are waiting for another!

Vindicated!!! Keep on pushin’!

#LoquaciousLindee

It’ll All Be Okay in the End

Apply this to every unresolved situation or relationship in your life:

It’ll ALL be Okay in the End.

If it’s NOT Okay, it’s NOT the End. 

Time to rest easy and let the Universe work its magic.

 

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     When I first began teaching Stress Management for Women in 2000 I hated it! I was a full-time career woman traveling every other week while raising three kids. I loved my job and I loved my kids, but I wasn’t about to pretend I was an expert and stress-free just because I was teaching the topic! The more honest I was with my students, the less stressed we all became, and the topic has become one of my favorites to train. Through a series of exercises, we tackled our stress together.

 

     This Swedish proverb reminded me of an exercise we did to help cut through the feelings of being overwhelmed, of being unable to identify the true causes: The More Of/Less Of exercise.

 

     On a sheet of paper, list everything you “want more of” in your life. Then make of list of everything you “want less of” in your life. Take each item on both lists seriously. Brainstorm and figure out ways to tackle each item individually.

 

     If you don’t know where to start, start with this proverb.

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    Number 9 of the “24 Interludes of Life” as shared on Telling It Like It Is, a site which promotes “things you need to know about raising children, relationships, marriage and parenting.”

 

A careless word may kindle a strife
A cruel word may wreck a life
A timely word may level stress
A lovely word may heal and bless

 

What if all of your words were lovely? 

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Hocus Pocus change the focus,

Clear my head and mind.

Engage my heart, keep it light,

Take a breath, make it right.

Share a smile, give a hug,

Tell a story, feel the love.

Life flow through me, give me peace,

With  joy and laughter I do release…

(list your worries then relax, repeat as often as your worries reappear)

Reprinted from Barf Bag Wisdom: When What’s Inside Must Come Out

i-dont-care1.jpgi-dont-care.jpgi-dont-care.jpg   If you find it, let me know. I had it when I went to bed last night, had it when I woke up at 1:30 a.m. If I was a detective, I’d pinpoint the crime—if indeed there is one—sometime between the hours of 2:00 and 3:30 a.m. I think I had it when I did dishes, that would be around 2 a.m. I like doing dishes; I always have. It’s my “go to” activity when I don’t know where to start or what to do next. I do them first thing in the morning as a way to clear my head and set the compass for the day and I do them in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep. Maybe my “give-a-shit” drained away in the dish water.

     I do know, as I returned to bed and lay there in an anxiety-ridden heap of useless flesh, that the only way through this personal crisis is to write. But I’ve been postponing posting (ha, isn’t that an interesting play on words) because I was taught “if you can’t say anything nice…” you know the adage. Well, I’ve got nothing good to say. I’m in a fucking dark hole. Have been for years (not just months—years) and the harder I work the deeper the hole gets. Stop digging, some people say. Work smarter, not harder; run and pray; believe; keep-on-keepin’-on. Insert your own F’ed-up positive-thinking bullshit right here. And let me tell you, I’ve tried them all; I’ve taught them all. I’m not new to The Secret. Brian Tracy taught me the underlying principles in The Secret in his audio program, The Psychology of Achievement when I was 24 years old. I believed it so much, I’ve lived my life doing affirmations, and striving to turn every negative statement and situation I encounter to a positive experience. It’s all bullshit. And I don’t care who’s reading this or what your perspective is, it’s not working for me. Life is not working for me. And I don’t give a shit who knows it. That’s the “give-a-shit” that went missing around 3:00 last night.

     “Fake it til you make it.” A statement I learned in Mary Kay as I struggled to build my team and become a Sales Director—a positive affirmation in action if I ever heard one. My ex-husband, who tends to be a realist, used to tell me I was just lying to myself. Well, I’m done lying to myself and others.

     No, I’m not fine. Life is a shit sandwich and I’m the creamy middle. There’s no one to help, no one I can count on. And I’m so damned exhausted from trying so hard, I no longer care who knows it. To quote my favorite band, “I don’t want to fake it anymore.” (Widespread Panic, Imitation Leather Shoes)

     Every day is a struggle. I see no reprieve from this stressful financial situation and no joy on the horizon. I’m unemployed and the first unemployment check won’t be here for 6-8 weeks. I’m in need of capital so I can start my own business (because “when the going gets tough, the tough get going” and make their own success—isn’t that the capitalistic bullshit we’ve all been taught?). I’ve been going backwards financially since May of 09 and the credit cards are maxed. Rent is due in two weeks and I’ve already tapped the folks and best friend for cash. I need to move out of my apartment but have no place to go or no money to work with. I’m down to my last few dollars and hope hasn’t been in my vocabulary for…ever (unless you count that tequila buzz I had two weeks ago—which turned out to be an alcohol-induced illusion.)

     Do I give-a-shit what you think of this blog post? Or my situation? Or my character? Nope. I’ve lost it. If you find it, keep it.

I’m always looking for the positive–especially in the stink of things. I look for the horse in the pile of manure, the proverbial silver lining, and believe the Universe has got my back–even when I don’t see it.

I believe our words create our worlds, and the simple turn of a phrase can turn the energy of a situation from funky to fabulous. Please don’t think I’m advocating positive thinking as the only option for dealing with stress. Since I trust in the Law of Attraction, it works for me–mentally and especially emotionally. I know good things are coming my way if I can stay open to the good. For those who embrace skepticism, cynicism and pessimism–if it’s working for you, go for it. Perhaps if expectations are low, you’ll always be pleasantly surprised. Hmmm, there’s a certain logic to that I must admit. I can see why so many embrace that thinking.

Coping with stress can be … tough … challenging … a bitch! And I’ve recently run into that with economic realities. Owning my own business and raising three kids has never been tougher. And I’ve been doing my share of stressing.

But the time for stressing is over. Stress just means my world is too limited. I don’t have enough solutions to the new problems in my life. Stress simply means I’m caught in old patterns of thinking and acting. To bring change to myself and the world, I have to begin with myself.

It’s time to stretch. Stretch to new ways of doing business, new ways of making money, new ways of serving people. It’s time to stretch my mind–look for new perspectives. Time to stretch my legs–increase my physical stamina.

Stressed out to stretched out simply means moving past what’s familiar to being comfortable in the unknown. We don’t have to change everything, we just have to expand what we are already doing–do just a little bit more. Push our brains a bit further. Believe that negative can become positive–and that’s when life gets interesting.