Suicide Hotline, 800 273-8255, Trigger Alert!
If you are suffering, call the Suicide Hotline: 800 273-8255

It’s okay to kill yourself, is the theme of A Star is Born movie.

And what a kick in the teeth it is. It’s okay to kill yourself IF you love someone enough and you’re afraid you’ll damage their career. What the fuck?! Who produced this? Was it Bradly Cooper and Gaga? Or are they just the ones that perpetuated—YES, PERPETUATED THAT guilt trip: IF you love someone enough, it is NOT okay to kill yourself! They are NOT better off without you! THAT’s the LIE depression and especially that suicidal voice in your head will tell you. ‘It’s okay to commit suicide and leave the planet because those around you would be better without you.’ And that just isn’t true.

The movie A Star is Born is telling that story.

And I don’t remember that in the original with Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson. John Norman does indeed die in the end, but it’s a car crash. HE DIDN’T HANG HIMSELF for fucks sake. He died a tragic death, but not at his own hand. At the hand of fate, or God, or the Universe, whatever you believe. If that was the message intended, that he crashed his car on purpose, I guess I missed that in the remake of the musical remake of the original. If you’re interested, google “A Star Is Born wiki.” I’ll have to go back and watch the end of the other movie. Maybe it did end that way. And if so, maybe THAT’s when I was conditioned to believe that my family, my kids would be better off without me.

I’ve had those thoughts, twice in my life. They were dark, low spots. And I was truly convinced I was hurting those around me by being me. I had shrinks telling me I was bipolar and that I wasn’t all right. I don’t remember anyone telling me I was mentally ILL, but they put me on lithium. Yes, One-Flew-Over-The-Cookoo’s-Nest lithium. I turned into a zombie, my own personal version of the walking dead. I did that for two weeks, but my spirit bust loose and through the haze. I KNEW there was more for me to do than trudge through life in a big-pharma-induced coma. I told the Doctor I WOULDN’T be taking drugs. At least not THAT drug. Today, I use natural cures and exercise and a whole lot of yoga to combat depression, and that nasty little gremlin in my head that says others would be better off without me? That little fucker is gone. I know my family needs me, and I’m here for the long haul. On fate, God and the Universe’s good graces.

I’m here to say, don’t kill yourself. Whatever you are going through WILL eventually be okay, because if it’s not okay, it’s not the end. Maybe that’s a warped philosophy to many. For me it’s been proven again and again in my life. There’s also your business, my business, and God’s business. I didn’t say we’d each necessarily see the happy ending in this lifetime; that might happen from the other side. That’s God’s business. It’s a mystery. It’s thee mystery. And someday I’ll know. Someday, we’ll all know. Until then, I’ll tend to my own business—and yours! If you’ll let me. I’m here with an ear. There are many of us. And we need you to do your part. You need to speak-up. Talk! And since I’m not available 24-hrs a day, the angels at the Suicide Hotline are, and they are ready to help:

 800 273-8255

I guess Bradly Cooper never got that message. He should have called.

I was disappointed in A Star Is Born. And I was angered. Cooper and Gaga were awesome together, but creepy after. The song “Shallows” was overplayed. Watching them together made me really uncomfortable. It was weird. Thumbs down. I give it one star. I hated it. I hated everything having to do with it, the remake. It reminds me of the darkest part of myself and my many lives.

Life is hard. And it hurts sometimes.

But. It is also precious! And life is a gift! And having kids, friends, a partner, a passion, a purpose, and a job make the hard times bearable, because tomorrow IS another day: another chance to get it right. IF you don’t buy into the LUDICROUS THOUGHT THAT THE ONES YOU LOVE WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU.

That’s pure bullshit.

That’s what THIS star says.


P.S. Why Worry when you can Wonder. Read more…

rainy day at airport A rainy day delay helps grow patience.

I try too hard sometimes. Like right now. I’m trying to get home.

If I had just waited the weather out, I’d probably be boarding my Seattle flight to Denver right now, arriving home by 5. Well, land at 5:00 which puts me home at 7 p.m. But instead, I listened to the Weather Channel, got a 30 minute flight delay notice, checked Raindar, saw a HUGE storm over Seattle.

Then I read of tornados in Portland, checked Raindar again, boarded my flight to Seattle just to be grounded for an hour and a half and then dumped in the terminal to wait it out. After checking Raindar again, I called Travel.

Thanks goodness I have a go-to person at the office; I didn’t have to stand behind fifty other people trying to find a different way out. John swiftly and graciously got me down the road 90 miles to the closest airport, and a guaranteed flight to Salt Lake City, then home to Denver, arriving by 10 p.m. Weather looked good. It was guaranteed.

So now I’m at the Pasco airport, waiting, watching the planes go by, listening to their Seattle flight being called, and wondering, would I be on that Seattle-to-Denver flight home right now, if I hadn’t been proactive and found myself a different route home.

¯_( )_/¯

Who knows. I should stop trying so hard, pushing so much. I think that’s the “lesson,” if there is one.

I seldom sit down and enjoy, relax, just be. I’m doing something 90% of the time I’m not sleeping. That usually involves pushing hard to make money to pay the bills. I need to let more come to me. I’d better reread the book The Law of Attraction, by Ester and Jerry Hicks.

In lieu of that, I’m just going to sit here awhile, very still, very quiet and think good thoughts. Okay, first I’m going to finish this blog, then sit here, very quietly, thinking good thoughts. I’m going to slow down, enjoy the travel day, and get home when I get home. There is no problem I have to deal with, everyone is taken care of, my sweetheart is waiting for me. And he’ll be there when I get there.

Hmmm, maybe being proactive and pushing too hard wasn’t such a bad thing. It gave me time to sit down and write after all, and that always helps me let the good in.

Oh, I just heard someone say their flight was cancelled into Seattle earlier today and now they are waiting for another!

Vindicated!!! Keep on pushin’!