Douche Bag Wisdom Archives - Page 2 of 3

Do Yoga–3x a week!

The best way to do yoga—3x a week.

It’s a commitment thing really.

If you’ve done yoga, you’re probably nodding your head, but if you never have, you just don’t know…

There is real growth in all that stretching; not just your body, but your mind. It’s like the brain cells elongate with the stretching of the body cells. I reach over my head in Vrksasana (Tree Pose) and I feel every part of my brain expand. I’m able to think farther.

Goodbye stinkin’ thinkin’ and hello brighter tomorrow. A better tomorrow. And that’s just from one class!

Imagine what good I could do with that kind of positive vibe 3 times a week! Why wouldn’t I want to do it 7 times a week?!!

(Yes, I know, a body needs rest. And so does a brain.)

3 times a week…it’s like compound interest on good vibes, where the principle keeps increasing and so does your well-being.

The best way to do yoga? 3 times a week, this week, next week, and every week after.

Who knows where a good stretch could lead me? 😉

It’ll All Be Okay in the End

Apply this to every unresolved situation or relationship in your life:

It’ll ALL be Okay in the End.

If it’s NOT Okay, it’s NOT the End.

Time to rest easy and let the Universe work its magic.

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If You Stumble … Dance!

If you stumble make it part of the dance.

If you stumble? When you stumble, because we all do, just make it part of the dance; just keep your feet moving. Chances are no one saw any way, or if they did, they didn’t realize you missed a step. Very few of us walk around in synchronized groups being judged—unless you’re part of a cheer squad or Olympic swim team.

People are usually so busy watching their own steps they barely notice others’. Unless it’s a big stumble, or a true fall, then hopefully someone will notice and extend a helping hand up.

But if not, and you fall on your face, just pretend you were doing the worm.

Something Wonderful Will Happen to Me

“I believe something wonderful is going to happen to me today.”

I’ve heard Sandra Smith, motivational comedienne and president of Aspire Seminars, start her seminar day many times with this mantra. On many occasions I joined her in singing it at the top of our lungs:

“I believe something wonderful is going to happen to me today.”

Doesn’t it just make you feel positive, expectant, and hopeful?!

“I believe something wonderful is going to happen to me today.”

Yes, I can just feel it.

And even more, I believe PEOPLE are often the bearers of these wonderful things that are going to happen to me today. A smile from a stranger, an “atta girl” from a colleague, a free piece of cheesecake just because someone felt generous. When something wonderful happens to me, it usually happens through people. Some days, even angels come disguised as people; aka the gentleman who fixed my flat tire. People fill my life with joy.

I’m amending my mantra:

“I believe some ONE wonderful is going to happen to me today.”

Hmmm, I think this will work. Say it with me:

“I believe some ONE wonderful is going to happen to me today. “

“I believe some ONE wonderful is going to happen to me today.”

I believe it.

Do you?

Red Alert! Emotions on Guard

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I’d been crying since I woke-up. I didn’t remember any sad dreams in particular, and yes, I was still dealing with the emotional fall-out of a four and a half year relationship that’d just ended, but to wake-up in such distress didn’t bode well for the day. Not to mention, it was 4:14 am. There was a lot of day left!

Of course I was still sad about the break-up, but the feeling was beyond that. We had broken-up together weeks ago, both acknowledging time on our own, in our own skins, would be good. The transition was tough, and we missed each other terribly so we got together to talk…and somehow ended up further apart. And that’s where we are today, further apart, hence the tears.

But this is bigger than sad; this is true emotional distress. My heart is demanding to be heard, “Red alert! There is something more you need to know, acknowledge, and understand. Red alert! Pay attention; tune in. Red alert! Honor this feeling, figure out the erroneous thought, and the sadness will go away. Red alert! There’s more to this feeling than you’re acknowledging.”

Karla McLaren’s book, Emotional Genius, talks about the healing properties of all emotions—even the “bad” ones. (Ain’t no such thing as a bad emotion, is McLaren’s take.) Anger, sadness, depression, jealousy, hate, rage…all have a story to tell. ALL are expressions of thought. Change the thought and you can change the emotion. Make peace with it and you make peace with yourself.

The two empowering thoughts that sadness brings attention to are: what must be let go of? And, what must change? Obviously WE are the thing that needs to be let go of. That was evident when we met—and that’s good. There’s no going back.

But we didn’t part well. I was hurt, angry, feeling shutdown and misled. I’ve since gotten over those feelings, but something else has me twisted up tight. I want things to be okay between us. And they’re not. Not for me anyway. Something needs to change; someone needs to change, and that someone’s me.

On some level I’m still holding on. Not to us, or even him, but more the thought that we can part amicably. I’m friends with all my Exes (mostly); he and I are suppose to be good friends. Before we got “involved” we promised. After all we’ve shared…

And maybe THAT’s the thought that needs to change. If I simply accept that not all relationships end with friendships, that he doesn’t want to be my friend, or can’t be my friend, this sense of distress will go away.

Or maybe this is my heart redefining friendship, “Red alert, you can still be his friend, even if it’s only in your own head. And, of course, your own heart.” 😉

PsychoGeometrics: Sunday Morning Breakfast

Imagine a typical Sunday morning. Breakfast is on the mind of each of the communication styles, Squares, Triangles, Circles, and Squiggles. A simple suggestion of “going out for breakfast” gets different reactions:

Creatures of habit and ritual, Boxes (because “Square” makes some people uneasy), Boxes awake at their normal time and begin their customary routine: bathroom time, grooming time. If you’re going to disrupt the routine, now is the time to interject.

Cue the Triangle and the Squiggle…

Triangles most usually have a Sunday morning agenda–a list of projects longer than the day, and mentally they’ve already finished breakfast and begun the first task. In reality they haven’t eaten their first bite. They’ll have breakfast at home, if they can delegate the task to you, or just get it themselves on their way to Home Depot. Triangles really don’t care whether you go out to eat or stay in—–as long as you do it FAST!

Squiggles, having declared loudly their intent to sleep until noon, suddenly pop awake at 7 and are out of bed with the chickens. Like Triangles, they have a few things on the “to do” list, that probably includes Circles, but be certain the day is about fun and people–and fun. Breakfast down the road is a great idea and the Squiggle is probably the one that suggested it. Unless he/she sleeps til noon.

Circles could be just as apt to issue a breakfast invitation as a Squiggle, and chances are they have a standing Sunday morning play date, and usually with old friends and family. Or a Circle will be the one whompin’ up biscuits for a sleepy crew. And if a Circle takes time to make breakfast, you’ll find the finishing touches–pretty plates, the newspaper and a small trinket–evidence of their affection. Or the Circle might just take a kitchen break and suggest a nearby restaurant. They will take care of those around them, rest assured.

In the meantime, with the Triangle out the door, the Squiggle and the Circle round up the accessories or the kids. The Square is just now catching on, and they have questions: Where are we going? What do they serve? How far away is it? Do we have gas in the car? Did you know gas is $4.00/gallon? When did you want to leave… They haven’t committed to going to breakfast yet.

A typical Sunday morning breakfast with the shapes.

100 Things To Do While Unemployed

It’s estimated that 2.5 million people will lose their unemployment benefits by the end of the year if Congress does not approve an extension of benefits. Make no mistake, the same Republicans that are demanding the Bush Tax Cuts be extended for the wealthiest Americans are the ones voting against the poorest Americans and an unemployment extension. While I’m praying that Republicans show compassion, I’m also entrenched in finding something to do and ways to make an almighty buck.

So here is a list of 100 Things To Do While Unemployed:

1) File for Food Stamps

2) Search for a job: Workforce Colorado, Craigslist, Monster, FB, Linked-In

3) Get Overwhelmed

4) Take a Nap

Brainwashed by Steven Covey’s #2 Habit

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is an audio series by Stephen Covey I first heard when I was 24—some 20 (eh-hum) years ago. I bought it (literally, spending $70 on the cassette-tape series)—hook, line, and sinker!

I had a quick refresher course this week as I visited my girlfriends from National Seminars, Lisa Ann Landry and Jan Harrison, as they entertained and educated 50-some participants at a Leadership Conference in Denver.

It was early in the morning session when Lisa Ann brought up The Seven Habits and I had a blinding flash of the obvious. I had been duped! It explained SO much.

I can still recite my favorite Habits:

Habit #7 Sharpen the Saw

It makes sense it’s the last habit. True to Covey’s prediction, I’ve found people who continue learning—sharpening the saw—are the ones that are better adjusted and better able to cope with change. I know it’s how I cope with change. When what I know to be true is not working, I’ll turn to any source, any person, any perspective that helps me define, clarify, and control my thoughts.

Habit #1 Be Proactive

“If it’s going to be, it’s up to me.” “You go, Girl.” And my personal favorite from my Tennessee friend, Rob, “Go get yourself some.” In short, you have to get off your tush and push. Real go-getters make something happen, they manipulate, and connive, and force life to bend to their definition of success.

And the Habit that brainwashed me into thinking that I needed to know “the end” before I could even get started?

Habit #2 Begin with the End in Mind

As I posted in my last blog, No End in Sight, I have no idea what “endings” are in store for me now. I’m dealing with all new beginnings—new work direction, new home, new relationship parameters. There’s been emotional anguish in those transitions—partly because Stephen Covey taught me to Begin with the End in Mind. Thinking back, I wonder how many times I put off starting a project, a story, a sentence because I had no idea how it was going to end? How many times did I fail to begin because I didn’t know where I’d end up?

Stephen Covey clarifies his second habit by suggesting each of us develop a Personal Mission Statement that focuses on what we want to be and do. It’s a success plan that reaffirms who you are and your ability to lead and create your own life and destiny. But what happens when you don’t know what you want?

My only mission right now is to: relax, breath, and consider. Today I’m adding: enjoy, believe, and create, but I have no idea what I’m creating. For now, just knowing I don’t have to begin with the end in mind, that I can begin in the middle, that I can write nothing but beginnings is liberating and inspiring.

My revised version of Covey’s #2 Habit?

Just Begin!

Oxygen Mask Theory Proven Wrong

Anyone who’s traveled by air knows the Oxygen Mask safety presentation: put the mask on yourself before you assist the person beside you. Focus on your own survival first. That seems logical. You can’t help others if you’re dead—hence, take care of #1.

What if we were taught to put the oxygen mask on the person beside us first? What if, in the final moments, instead of focusing on yourself, you help the person next to you? Your final thoughts would be of concern for others, your final actions acts of compassion, and you’d be filled with the spirit of giving.

What if you could count on that person sitting next to you, to save you? How freely would you travel knowing you could count on the kindness of strangers to see you safely through. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to know that the person sitting next to you—whether you know them or not—has your back. What if, from birth, we’d been taught this principle? Many talk it, “do unto others as you’d have them do unto you,” but society as a whole is falling short. We’re not taking care of each other; we’re a nation of people looking out for #1.

I’m an Iowa farm girl. We had dairy cows and hogs; we raised corn and soybeans; grew alfalfa for hay and oats for straw. Our farm was self-sufficient and I’ve been taught to be self-sufficient. I’ve been taught it’s irresponsible not to take care of myself; it’s my job to look out for #1—so ultimately I can look out and take care of the people next to me. The problem is, I’m not able to do it alone and make ends meet, just me, looking out for #1. The pressure is overwhelming.

There’s a screamer band out there with a hit, and let me paraphrase because a google lyrics search didn’t reveal the artist and song, “How can I save you when I can’t even save myself?” If I don’t buy into the oxygen mask theory, I don’t have to worry about saving myself, the people here next to me will do that. Then I could focus on what’s truly important-helping others.

Lost My “Give-a-Shit”

If you find it, let me know. I had it when I went to bed last night, had it when I woke up at 1:30 a.m. If I was a detective, I’d pinpoint the crime—if indeed there is one—sometime between the hours of 2:00 and 3:30 a.m. I think I had it when I did dishes, that would be around 2 a.m. I like doing dishes; I always have. It’s my “go to” activity when I don’t know where to start or what to do next. I do them first thing in the morning as a way to clear my head and set the compass for the day and I do them in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep. Maybe my “give-a-shit” drained away in the dish water.

I do know, as I returned to bed and lay there in an anxiety-ridden heap of useless flesh, that the only way through this personal crisis is to write. But I’ve been postponing posting (ha, isn’t that an interesting play on words) because I was taught “if you can’t say anything nice…” you know the adage. Well, I’ve got nothing good to say. I’m in a fucking dark hole. Have been for years (not just months—years) and the harder I work the deeper the hole gets. Stop digging, some people say. Work smarter, not harder; run and pray; believe; keep-on-keepin’-on. Insert your own F’ed-up positive-thinking bullshit right here. And let me tell you, I’ve tried them all; I’ve taught them all. I’m not new to The Secret. Brian Tracy taught me the underlying principles in The Secret in his audio program, The Psychology of Achievement when I was 24 years old. I believed it so much, I’ve lived my life doing affirmations, and striving to turn every negative statement and situation I encounter to a positive experience. It’s all bullshit. And I don’t care who’s reading this or what your perspective is, it’s not working for me. Life is not working for me. And I don’t give a shit who knows it. That’s the “give-a-shit” that went missing around 3:00 last night.

“Fake it til you make it.” A statement I learned in Mary Kay as I struggled to build my team and become a Sales Director—a positive affirmation in action if I ever heard one. My ex-husband, who tends to be a realist, used to tell me I was just lying to myself. Well, I’m done lying to myself and others.

No, I’m not fine. Life is a shit sandwich and I’m the creamy middle. There’s no one to help, no one I can count on. And I’m so damned exhausted from trying so hard, I no longer care who knows it. To quote my favorite band, “I don’t want to fake it anymore.” (Widespread Panic, Imitation Leather Shoes)

Every day is a struggle. I see no reprieve from this stressful financial situation and no joy on the horizon. I’m unemployed and the first unemployment check won’t be here for 6-8 weeks. I’m in need of capital so I can start my own business (because “when the going gets tough, the tough get going” and make their own success—isn’t that the capitalistic bullshit we’ve all been taught?). I’ve been going backwards financially since May of 09 and the credit cards are maxed. Rent is due in two weeks and I’ve already tapped the folks and best friend for cash. I need to move out of my apartment but have no place to go or no money to work with. I’m down to my last few dollars and hope hasn’t been in my vocabulary for…ever (unless you count that tequila buzz I had two weeks ago—which turned out to be an alcohol-induced illusion.)

Do I give-a-shit what you think of this blog post? Or my situation? Or my character? Nope. I’ve lost it. If you find it, keep it.

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