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Hope in the Night Sky

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~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life’s gotten a little dark for a lot of folks lately. Many have lost hope, lost in their own troubles. It took a poet to help me get a new perspective, and when I realized that trouble is here to help me see the stars, there was only one thing left to do. Repeat after me:

Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight…

And don’t just wish on one, wish on them all!

Old Zen Expression

Chop Wood; Carry Water; Make Ice Cubes

Roughly translated: prepare for the party!

Spell for Letting Go

Hocus Pocus change the focus,

Clear my head and mind.

Engage my heart, keep it light,

Take a breath, make it right.

Share a smile, give a hug,

Tell a story, feel the love.

Life flow through me, give me peace,

With joy and laughter I do release…

(list your worries then relax, repeat as often as your worries reappear)

Reprinted from Barf Bag Wisdom: When What’s Inside Must Come Out

Brainwashed by Steven Covey’s #2 Habit

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is an audio series by Stephen Covey I first heard when I was 24—some 20 (eh-hum) years ago. I bought it (literally, spending $70 on the cassette-tape series)—hook, line, and sinker!

I had a quick refresher course this week as I visited my girlfriends from National Seminars, Lisa Ann Landry and Jan Harrison, as they entertained and educated 50-some participants at a Leadership Conference in Denver.

It was early in the morning session when Lisa Ann brought up The Seven Habits and I had a blinding flash of the obvious. I had been duped! It explained SO much.

I can still recite my favorite Habits:

Habit #7 Sharpen the Saw

It makes sense it’s the last habit. True to Covey’s prediction, I’ve found people who continue learning—sharpening the saw—are the ones that are better adjusted and better able to cope with change. I know it’s how I cope with change. When what I know to be true is not working, I’ll turn to any source, any person, any perspective that helps me define, clarify, and control my thoughts.

Habit #1 Be Proactive

“If it’s going to be, it’s up to me.” “You go, Girl.” And my personal favorite from my Tennessee friend, Rob, “Go get yourself some.” In short, you have to get off your tush and push. Real go-getters make something happen, they manipulate, and connive, and force life to bend to their definition of success.

And the Habit that brainwashed me into thinking that I needed to know “the end” before I could even get started?

Habit #2 Begin with the End in Mind

As I posted in my last blog, No End in Sight, I have no idea what “endings” are in store for me now. I’m dealing with all new beginnings—new work direction, new home, new relationship parameters. There’s been emotional anguish in those transitions—partly because Stephen Covey taught me to Begin with the End in Mind. Thinking back, I wonder how many times I put off starting a project, a story, a sentence because I had no idea how it was going to end? How many times did I fail to begin because I didn’t know where I’d end up?

Stephen Covey clarifies his second habit by suggesting each of us develop a Personal Mission Statement that focuses on what we want to be and do. It’s a success plan that reaffirms who you are and your ability to lead and create your own life and destiny. But what happens when you don’t know what you want?

My only mission right now is to: relax, breath, and consider. Today I’m adding: enjoy, believe, and create, but I have no idea what I’m creating. For now, just knowing I don’t have to begin with the end in mind, that I can begin in the middle, that I can write nothing but beginnings is liberating and inspiring.

My revised version of Covey’s #2 Habit?

Just Begin!

No End In Sight

I’m having a hard time getting to the end–the end of a sentence, a thought, the situation, the reality. I guess it’s because there really are no “ends” in my life right now. I’m working with beginnings.

I was discharged from my job in August—an ending for sure. But it opened up an opportunity to do something else; exactly what is being determined. I’m checking Monster, Craigs List, Linked-in, and Facebook daily. Can’t say what I’ll be doing a year from now, but writing feels good in the interim.

I lost my house the end of October—another big ending. I said goodbye to my home of 10 years, made arrangements for my teen boys to stay part-time with me and part-time with their dad, sent my boyfriend out to find a full-time job and moved in with a girlfriend.

I’d love to finish the story, but I can’t even get to the end of the paragraph. I don’t know what’s coming next. It’s that simple. I can start a sentence but I’m not sure how to finish it. And I’m not forcing myself to! I’ve given myself permission to start chapters, paragraphs, sentences without the pressure of finishing. How freeing! There’s no pressure to draw any conclusions, determine any next big steps, or finish anything. Not even this darned blog if I don’t feel like it!

Today is for starting. No ends in sight. Just beginnings.

A Hand-Up from A Smack-Down

I heard the cry outside my bedroom window this morning about 8. I knew it was a child and they needed help. I ran out the front door and saw the little, blonde-haired girl lying on her tummy crying. She’d tripped and fallen on the concrete walk and her hair was in her eyes. She’d fallen, but she hadn’t gotten up.

I called out and cooed over her, “oh Baby, are you all right? Are you okay?” I tried to comfort her as I picked her up. She was tiny, a kindergartener, I’d bet. I set her on her feet and crouched down low beside her to assess the damage: two slightly skinned palms and one slightly scraped knee. No blood. We gave the knee a rub and gave our hands a shake.

She’d stopped crying and I asked her name. Jade. Was she on the way to school? A nod and an uh-huh. Did she need to go home to see her Mom? No. She was with her sister and friend (who stood watching, with or without concern, I couldn’t tell).

What did I say? I know what I wished I’d said. I wish my “Mother Mary” had kicked in and I’d fussed over her a little more: dried her tears with my sleeve, kissed her little palms and little knee, given her a big hug.

I wish I’d told her she was like a super ball and had great bounce-back ability. That she’d grow up to be a hell-of-a bouncer. Or that she was like Tigger to have a “bouncy-trouncy” day.

I wish I’d shared Clarrisa Pinkola Estes with her: “Refuse to fall down. If you cannot reuse to fall down, refuse to stay down, lift your heart toward heaven like a hungry beggar, ask that it be filled and it will be filled. You may be pushed down. You may be kept from rising, but no one an keep you from lifting your heart toward heaven—only you. It is in the middle of misery that so much becomes clear. The one who says nothing good came of this is not yet listening.”

I wish I’d gone Zen on her 6 yr old ass! “Fall down 7 times, get up 8.”

But I didn’t.

Instead, I calmly said, “It hurts to fall sometimes, doesn’t it.” Jade answered with a nod and another uh-huh. “Just get up and keep going, that’s all you have to do.” That’s what I told her. Life’s most basic lesson during a fall-flat-on-your-face moment; a skin your knee moment. Just get up and keep going. I’m sure if her Mom had been there, she would have told her the same.

“The day gets better from here,” I told her as I sent her off with her sister and friend. It felt good to parent someone else’s kid. If something happens to one of my three kids one day, I hope there will be another Mom there to help.

We all need an occasional hand-up. And tears are allowed! I know it’s my Sagitarius side, but just get up and keep going.

Jack of All Trades; Master of None

I do a lot of different things: I write, I speak, I train. I design websites, brochures, and other print pieces. I organize events and promotions. I keep a home, am raising three teenagers, and lending my time and voice to the pro-medical marijuana movement. My folks’ generation referred to this as “Jack of All Trades.” It was used to describe a person who could do many things at once, but implies Jack (or Jill) does none of them well. And… I guess that makes Jack about average.

The average Jack (or Jill) doesn’t have the luxury of being a Master these days. The average Jack (or Jill) can’t get by with doing only one thing well. He has to do them ALL well, and not just well, but exceptionally well. I’ve been conditioned to believe if you’re exceptional at what you do, you are to be valued. It pays to be an expert: the more you know about a specific topic, the higher your value—and your paycheck! But I’m finding that’s not as true these days. Employees are assigned a multitude of tasks. A small business owner has to manage all areas of the business–product, service, customers, finances, taxes, industry regulations, etc… One key to success in today’s market is to do as many things possible as well as you can possibly can.

There’s no manual or on-line help forum for what’s happening now–unless you count the one being created daily by people living it. (Think Google and Wiki.) And that proves my point percisely. You must know many things, must be good at many things but you can’t wait until you “know it all” to move forward. I’m learning as I go but I don’t have time to get a Masters or to spend years “mastering” a topic, to learn how to juggle like Minnie “Boom Boom” Mahoony (pictured here). We become Masters by doing–it’s time to dive right in. My folks’ generation call it “Baptism by fire.” Learn the task as you do the task. I call it a typical day in the life of Jack and Jill of all trades.

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