crowdofpeople.jpg     Actually, I got an eye-full. It’d been a hell-of-a-night, followed by a hell-of-a-morning. I’d spent the night worrying—and that exhausts the living crap out of you. (Read Lost My Give-a-Shit if you’d like details.) I’d been mining my heart; fretting it, softening it, doubting it, preparing it to receive a greater gift: the gift of Understanding.

     I was driving north on I-25, on my way to pick-up my best friend, Kook, and her daughter, Alex, from the airport. They were jetting in from Milan; they’d spent the last two weeks in Italy. It was a typical Rocky Mountain Sunset—spectacular. Oranges and pinks blended in to gray blues and purples. The clouds were stirrin’ up an Earth-Meets-Sky raspberry/grape smoothie.

     The ride home was a swirl of conversation, a mix of stories from all of us. As they shared tales of drinking Italian roasted coffee from silver cups on a rose adorned and rose-petal covered patio, on a balcony overlooking the sea, I shared my excitement for the social networking seminar I’d attended, books I’d read on Facebook, Linked-in, and Twitter, updates to my websites, and the blog article I’d posted.

     Kook talked of the beauty of the people, and I bemoaned I had no beautiful people to work with—and then I understood! I want beautiful people, with passionate businesses that I can believe in and promote. I want to blog and tweet and book my face off. I want to sit on my tush and earn a living by writing for others—telling their story and engaging in a dialog with their customers. I don’t need a ton of clients. I need two or three with companies or causes I support.

     It seams so simple, now that “I got it.” Focus on the beautiful people! There’s no time for doubt. No time to worry. Only time to focus on others. What a glorious thought.

I’m always looking for the positive–especially in the stink of things. I look for the horse in the pile of manure, the proverbial silver lining, and believe the Universe has got my back–even when I don’t see it.

I believe our words create our worlds, and the simple turn of a phrase can turn the energy of a situation from funky to fabulous. Please don’t think I’m advocating positive thinking as the only option for dealing with stress. Since I trust in the Law of Attraction, it works for me–mentally and especially emotionally. I know good things are coming my way if I can stay open to the good. For those who embrace skepticism, cynicism and pessimism–if it’s working for you, go for it. Perhaps if expectations are low, you’ll always be pleasantly surprised. Hmmm, there’s a certain logic to that I must admit. I can see why so many embrace that thinking.

Coping with stress can be … tough … challenging … a bitch! And I’ve recently run into that with economic realities. Owning my own business and raising three kids has never been tougher. And I’ve been doing my share of stressing.

But the time for stressing is over. Stress just means my world is too limited. I don’t have enough solutions to the new problems in my life. Stress simply means I’m caught in old patterns of thinking and acting. To bring change to myself and the world, I have to begin with myself.

It’s time to stretch. Stretch to new ways of doing business, new ways of making money, new ways of serving people. It’s time to stretch my mind–look for new perspectives. Time to stretch my legs–increase my physical stamina.

Stressed out to stretched out simply means moving past what’s familiar to being comfortable in the unknown. We don’t have to change everything, we just have to expand what we are already doing–do just a little bit more. Push our brains a bit further. Believe that negative can become positive–and that’s when life gets interesting.

The world is a changin’. Change is a good thing! Yet it is amazing how many of us fear change. Nothing shakes up an office like the phrase, “there are going to be some changes around here!”

Laurence Boldt in his book, Zen and the Art of Making a Living, says “the fear of ‘changing’ is the fear of screwing up; the fear of ‘change’ is the fear of getting screwed.” The distinction is subtle and valid: the first is proactive–afraid that you’ll make a mistake in action; the second is reactive–the fear that life is coming to get you. Life takes a balance of both–going out and getting what you want and sitting back and letting abundance overtake you.

‘Change’ is a Universal constant. It’s inevitable. The key to handling change is being ready and capable–by improving ourselves daily! Do something every day that gives you more confidence or a feeling of well being–read something new, talk to someone with a differing opinion, get your hair done, take a walk…the list is endless. The goal is to build our self-image so we can handle the changes coming our way–and make a few of our own.

When we make small changes to ourselves, and in our daily routines, we can “be the change we wish to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi

I’m deep into study of the Seven Universal Laws of Success. This is my third time (in the last two months) reading Sandra Anne Taylor’s book, Quantum Success. I’m not new to the Law of Attraction, having first heard about it 23 years ago in a tape series by Brian Tracy, The Psychology of Achievement, and I’ve spent a good deal of my professional career as a motivational speaker learning and living those principles. Yet today I’m having a hard time living in “potential,” and I’m wondering what to do with these “negative” thoughts and emotions that repel success (according to Taylor). According to all Law of Attraction gurus, negative thoughts repel what you desire. And today I’m feeling the pressure to turn negatives into positives.

I’m also a fan of Karla McLaren. Her book Emotional Genius simplifies and clarifies the link between thoughts and emotions. She doesn’t believe in “negative” emotions, but in the motivational power in all feelings. Anger (an emotion typically labeled “negative”) is not to be suppressed but an emotion that signals a psychological boundary breech. Anger serves the person who feels, processes, and takes time to understand it. Anger is an internal warning system–like when the “service engine” light illuminates the dash board of your car. This “negative” emotions carries some positive benefits once processed.

Today I’m searching for the positive in my negative mind set, while still working with the Seven Universal Laws.

1) The Law of Manifestation: consciousness creates reality. You get what you think about, talk about, dream about, focus on and take action toward. A good question to ask yourself is: what am I creating now? So, what am I creating now with my exploration into “stinkin’ thinkin”? Hmmmph, an article for all of us to learn from. That’s a negative into a positive–this could work.

2) The Law of Magnetism: we attract the same energy we put out. Our dominant thoughts–plus the emotions behind those thoughts–create an energy field and vibration that becomes our calling card. Today, I’m feeling uncertain–not my usual trusting, optimistic self. I’m feeling…human. Many people live their life in fear–how am I going to pay the bills, what if I get sick, who will take care of my kids? My Mary Kay friends say, “fake it ’til you make it,” but I don’t want to put a happy face over “uncertainty.” According to the Law of Attraction, there is no fooling the Universe. And don’t I have to acknowledge uncertainty before I can turn it around? Maybe that’s all this is–the Universe is asking me to step up and declare my intentions.

3) The Law of Pure Desire: our intentions must be pure, our motivations genuine, healthy, and honoring to ourselves and others. How do you want to serve, and what is it you want to accomplish? I had a keynote presentation today–Generational Communication for the Community Associations Institute–(let me shorthand it for you–love your neighbor!) I’m a passionate, gifted speaker and communicator when it comes to communication topics. I spent 8 years on the road, traveling coast-to-coast, living that passion through keynotes and corporate trainings. I did 8-10 full-day seminars a month. Now, I do 1-2 40 minute keynotes monthly. Perhaps this feeling is the Universe calling me to do more of what I do best? That’s definitely a negative into a positive.

4) The Law of Paradoxical Intent: reflects the Law of Magnetism in warning that we’ll get a return on our negative energy as well. If we’re desperate to make something happen, that repulsive vibration will push it away. Desperation creates the paradox, or the opposite, of the original intent, leading us to failure. Now, this is the Law that baffles me most. How can you want something so badly, and still be denied? And this is where I have to call in the theories of Karla McLaren. What if negative doesn’t so much attract negative as move you back to positive? Perhaps the Law of Paradoxical Intent keeps actions true and on the right course?

5) The Law of Harmony: when we consciously choose to create balance and align ourselves with the Universe, our intention and energy open the floodgates of Universal abundance, allowing us access to all the insight, power, and blessing that the world has to offer. We must take complete responsibility for our daily choices, live in balance, accept ourselves, and let go of control. Maybe the lesson today is just that easy. Am I holding on too tight? Am I living in trust or feeling I have to make something happen? Did I live my passion and purpose today? Oh yeah! Then today is a success and tomorrow will take care of itself. Negative into positive–I’m feeling better already.

6) The Law of Right Action: our energy is self-perpetuating in the world. Value, honor, and dignity increase in our lives to the same degree we promote them in our surrounding environment. The question needed before every task: “is this honoring to myself and others?” I guess the question I have to ask myself today: is this feeling of uncertainty honoring to me? If I believe in what I’ve learned in Emotional Genius, then of course it is! Isn’t this nothing more than a gut check? What’s really important to me? My “negative” with the right question has become a “positive.”

7) The Law of Expanding Influence: our energies expand and directly influence the world at large. Our intentions for harmony expand in the consciousness of every human being. Translation: energy is contagious. I’ve known this for some time. I’ve been thanked over and over again for my energy. I’m very accepting of others–even more so of them than myself at times. I just love people and I’m genuinely curious and interested. I like to listen as much as I like to speak. I think that’s the energy that people enjoy–me acknowledging and celebrating them–flaws and all! I know that when I make people feel good about themselves, they go out and do the same to others. And that’s what I was put on the planet to do.

And here we are at the end of the Seven Universal Laws, and I’m feeling better and a lot more certain. Certain that tomorrow is another day…and that giving 100% is good enough…and that the Universal Laws really do work when you work with them.

Is there anything more exhausting than having to get up? The alarm goes off, we hit the snooze, and then lie in bed preparing ourselves for getting up and out of bed the next time it goes off.

“I want to wake up, not get up,” Steve said to me one night as I was setting the alarm. It made perfect sense to me. Who doesn’t enjoy a Saturday or Sunday morning when you can sleep until you’re done? Few of us have that luxury daily. For me it’s getting the kids on the bus, or making an early morning networking meeting, or coffee with clients. The good news, being self-employed, I have no office to report to at a certain time–besides my own home/office.

I find my agenda for the day sets my mood and perspective. If I’m going to do something that I’m not highly motivated to do (translation: I don’t want to do it), I feel proportionally exhausted. Just the thought of having to get up and do it makes me tired. Those are the multiple-snooze mornings.

Then there are those days that I can’t wait to get to my agenda–the “to do” list. Those days I wake up on my own–no alarm clock needed–the reason for getting up is also an internal “wake up” call. The day is stretched open to opportunity.

If you’re in reasonably good health, are getting to bed on time, have no external reason to set the alarm, why not let your body and mind determine the wake up time? And get up time?

And if you just can’t get up perhaps it’s not an alarm problem at all. Could the true “wake up” call be the need to change your daily agenda?

It’s five days til Christmas and I’ve yet to do my shopping. I’m not a procrastinator by mental wiring. I like getting projects done before deadlines loom. I’ve been putting off my shopping until the cash flow improves. I have been browsing for gifts for my three teenagers online though, and I’m reading the Exchange Policies. After all, what good is a present if the person doesn’t like it and won’t use it.  Many companies make exchanging items easy. And all this has me thinking of my own internal “exchange policies.” Here’s one thought I’ve recently exchanged:

I recently parted from a j-o-b.  My first in 16 years actually. I’ve run my own sales/marketing/communications company since 1991 and early this past year, strapped for cash and credit limits maxed, I became an employee for someone else. It was a brutal mental game. I worked everyday to “hold the light” and be positive as I worked in an office focused on the negative–mine, our team’s, and our client’s. I cried every Monday morning. The stress was tremendous.

Time to activate the Exchange Policy! I’ve exchanged the stress of having to work for someone else with the pressure of once again being on my own–self-sufficient, and responsible for three teenagers, two cats, and a condo. I’ve got January’s rent covered. February? Yet to be determined.

But if I get to choose–and you know I do–I choose the pressure of the unknown versus the pressures put upon me by others. I’m back in positive mode full time–and no longer crying on Monday mornings. My days are my own to make or break–and I choose to “wonder” where the next client is coming from versus the thoughts of how to cope in an energy cesspool.

Occasionally I replace the pressures of a job with the fears of not being financially successful, but who’s got time for such nonsense thoughts. And isn’t it wonderful knowing that if the fears do creep in, I can exchange those, too.

Our words create our worlds. 

Positive affirmations, prayers, spells, whatever you call them, what we speak has a greater potential of turning into reality than the words we don’t speak.  That’s why I try hard to never utter words or phrases that I don’t want to come true. And I’ll deny or negate negative phrases when someone idly tosses them my way…like, you’re going to get a speeding ticket–you’re due.  Delete, delete–not me!

Here are a few words I’m letting go of–removing from my vocabulary–now:

1.      FEAR. I’m letting go of fear in the traditional sense of the anxiety and doubts we focus our thoughts on. Someone once told me FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real.  Translation: A situation only appears fearful because of the interpretations we place on it.  I’m changing my interpretation of FEAR to Forgetting Everything’s All Right. 

2.      WORRY.  Worrying is stewing without doing.  Worry is also a fear-based emotion.  Playing off of Forgetting Everything’s All Right, I’m letting go of the emotional angst of worry.  After all, worry is only a question of what’s going to happen in the future.  From now on I’m going to “wonder” what will happen.  Instead of “I’m worried about what’s going to happen,” I choose to think (and speak) “I WONDER what’s going to happen.”  It’s open with positive expectation.

3.      BUT.  When’s the last time you were “but”ed in a conversation?  And how did it make you feel?  Negated, right?  And how about the popular phrase “yes, but”?  It sounds as if someone is agreeing with you but they’re not.  They’re negating your words (and consequently your opinion and you).  Instead of “but,” why not the word “and”?  “Yes, and have you thought of this?” Or, “yes, and I see it this way.”  AND is a word that affirms the other while opening them to another way of looking at something.  Your way.

Let go of these words and you’ll let go of a bit of negativity.  

Like a champagne bottle, I feel like I’ve been uncorked. Two weeks ago I was released from a j-o-b that didn’t suit my divine purpose.

After 16 years of running my own business—seven of those as a motivational speaker–I was working for someone whose passion and mission seemed to match my own. As I worked with this person for eleven months though, I discovered just how far apart we were on our philosophies, the everyday execution…and even our language.

It was a Team Meeting that helped us both see the light…

My boss had handed us all a copy of a slide from one of our corporate slide show trainings. It had the word “pressure” across the top in deep red. Under that was a black line across the page that represents “you.” Under that line were bunches of white dots which reminded me of little atoms of energy floating beneath the surface. They all sat atop the word “perturbation,” typed bold in blood red. (Let me save you a trip to Dictionary.com. Perturbation is the root word of “perturb,” meaning: 1. throw into confusion or disorder. 2. disturb mentally; agitate.)

The print visually represented one way for someone to “pop” and have a major break-though. That’s one way we help our clients—help give them a new perspective to move the person forward. After all, there’s nothing like a bit of angst to help you look at life differently. But is that the only way?!

When asked what I thought, I said I preferred the word “percolation” to “perturbation.” The emotional state of “perturbation” was uncomfortable and– I was cut off. Interruptions were common in our office. I was told that was the language we used in our office and culture. When I shut my mouth and deferred, he pressed me to share my opinion.

So the speaker in me, the spirit in me, the person who has studied language and how to use words to inspire, encourage, and motivate people since she was 15 yrs. old, shared her opinion.

Our words create our worlds, I began, and when we use words with negative energy patterns anchored to them, we feel negativity. Confusion, sadness, anger, anxiety are all words that can be associated with “perturbation.”

“Percolation” is the same energy movement as “perturbation” without the negative emotions attached to it. To percolate—like a coffee pot—is neutral. And for some of us even, a percolating pot of coffee summons up good memories and feelings. Energy is still moving behind the scenes, under the line, inside, causing us to grow.

People can have major breakthroughs in their life in moments of great joy as well as pain, I went on to explain to the Team. We create our working environment, our lives, and our worlds by the language that we use. I preferred the positive word.

The meeting ended and an hour later I was fired for “differing philosophies.”

No more “perturbation” for me.

And actually what’s been percolating in me for months now has been shaken to the core. But the coffee has turned to champagne and I’m fizzy, effervescent, bubbling, and sparkling like the Almond Champagne I recently sampled–positive that what I just came through was a breakthrough—of the uncorked kind.

It’s 4:07 a.m. and I’ve been awake for almost an hour. It started as a jolt out of sleep. I had heard something. When my mind cleared enough to realize I was in my bedroom, I noticed the hallway light from under the door. Who was up? One of the kids? I didn’t remember the light being on when I went to bed.

As I got up to investigate, winky-blinky sleepy-eyed cats met me at the door. Apparently they hadn’t heard it. They were wondering why I was up. The kids bedroom doors were closed and a peek in revealed sugarplum dreams.

Too late now for sleep. I am totally awake. There’s a task I’ve been putting off. This task; my very first blog–my forage into new waters, a new direction for my business and my life. And as always, the financial pressures of raising three kids on my own are on my mind. Will this new direction pay the rent, put food on the table? Not only that–babies need shoes!

This feeling is familiar–unfortunately. Fear. Someone once told me: Fear stands for False Evidence Appearing Real. It seemed such a logical explanation for such an intense emotion. And even though the evidence “isn’t real,” it sure feels that way. It feels as real as that light in the hallway. I know the spiritual path behind fear. It is here to motivate me, to enlighten me, to push me ahead on my path, but why is it that it brings such angst?

Sitting here, immersed in the light, doing what I do best–writing, I feel some of the tension slipping away. Just writing about it dissipates the emotion and by redirecting my activity I move through it.

Motivational speaker Sandra Smith, of Aspire Productions, said to me a couple years ago when I was in this exact same transition, “change your behavior.” I wanted desperately to be out of the business transition I was in and into stable financial situation. I was tired of falling short every month. Credit card debt was the price I was paying and it was all consuming. Fear took hold of me and I couldn’t get past. I wanted the emotion to stop. Sandra told me I was focused on the wrong thing. She told me to stop trying to “turn off” fear, but instead, keep the emotion and “turn on” activity. Just doing something productive to move my life and business forward would change the intensity of the emotion.

It worked then, and I know it can work now. Except one thing is different today. I’ve come to understand that fear is a common emotion, and thanks to Karla McLaren in her book Emotional Genius, I can now honor that emotion and use its energy to propel me forward–if I focus on changing my behaviors.

I’ve also since discovered that a better acronym for fear is: Forgetting Everything’s All Right. Time to switch my focus to what is right–for me. And now that I’ve gotten this first post, the baby step behind me, perhaps I can just turn off the fear, like the hallway light, and sleep peacefully knowing that everything IS all right. And I’ve done one thing that feels right.