i-dont-care1.jpgi-dont-care.jpgi-dont-care.jpg   If you find it, let me know. I had it when I went to bed last night, had it when I woke up at 1:30 a.m. If I was a detective, I’d pinpoint the crime—if indeed there is one—sometime between the hours of 2:00 and 3:30 a.m. I think I had it when I did dishes, that would be around 2 a.m. I like doing dishes; I always have. It’s my “go to” activity when I don’t know where to start or what to do next. I do them first thing in the morning as a way to clear my head and set the compass for the day and I do them in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep. Maybe my “give-a-shit” drained away in the dish water.

     I do know, as I returned to bed and lay there in an anxiety-ridden heap of useless flesh, that the only way through this personal crisis is to write. But I’ve been postponing posting (ha, isn’t that an interesting play on words) because I was taught “if you can’t say anything nice…” you know the adage. Well, I’ve got nothing good to say. I’m in a fucking dark hole. Have been for years (not just months—years) and the harder I work the deeper the hole gets. Stop digging, some people say. Work smarter, not harder; run and pray; believe; keep-on-keepin’-on. Insert your own F’ed-up positive-thinking bullshit right here. And let me tell you, I’ve tried them all; I’ve taught them all. I’m not new to The Secret. Brian Tracy taught me the underlying principles in The Secret in his audio program, The Psychology of Achievement when I was 24 years old. I believed it so much, I’ve lived my life doing affirmations, and striving to turn every negative statement and situation I encounter to a positive experience. It’s all bullshit. And I don’t care who’s reading this or what your perspective is, it’s not working for me. Life is not working for me. And I don’t give a shit who knows it. That’s the “give-a-shit” that went missing around 3:00 last night.

     “Fake it til you make it.” A statement I learned in Mary Kay as I struggled to build my team and become a Sales Director—a positive affirmation in action if I ever heard one. My ex-husband, who tends to be a realist, used to tell me I was just lying to myself. Well, I’m done lying to myself and others.

     No, I’m not fine. Life is a shit sandwich and I’m the creamy middle. There’s no one to help, no one I can count on. And I’m so damned exhausted from trying so hard, I no longer care who knows it. To quote my favorite band, “I don’t want to fake it anymore.” (Widespread Panic, Imitation Leather Shoes)

     Every day is a struggle. I see no reprieve from this stressful financial situation and no joy on the horizon. I’m unemployed and the first unemployment check won’t be here for 6-8 weeks. I’m in need of capital so I can start my own business (because “when the going gets tough, the tough get going” and make their own success—isn’t that the capitalistic bullshit we’ve all been taught?). I’ve been going backwards financially since May of 09 and the credit cards are maxed. Rent is due in two weeks and I’ve already tapped the folks and best friend for cash. I need to move out of my apartment but have no place to go or no money to work with. I’m down to my last few dollars and hope hasn’t been in my vocabulary for…ever (unless you count that tequila buzz I had two weeks ago—which turned out to be an alcohol-induced illusion.)

     Do I give-a-shit what you think of this blog post? Or my situation? Or my character? Nope. I’ve lost it. If you find it, keep it.

cat_getting_out_cover_lg.gifThe smoke is still clearing from the Cannabis Crown in Aspen but already we can declair this year’s festival a hit. And a hit of the best kynd.

Festival promoters, Pia and Bart, overcame many challenges and threw together a fete of great signifigance as more than 3000 people descended upon Aspen for the Cannabis Crown April 17 and 18. The energy and enthusiasm of the crowd was palpable. Entrepeneurs were in full force with businesses that included: growers, dispensaries, gourmet “medibles,” t-shirts and posters, insurance, electronic banking systems, security companies and more.

People were curious. Patients with cards were allowed to shop while people without cards were invited to fill-out forms to get legal. Attendees stopped by each booth and spent time chatting with the vendors. I found myself caught up in the optimism and hope that surges when the needs of people are addressed by a new, emerging marketplace.

Clearly regulation is coming and there’s risk in entering a new venture when laws are still being defined. But with the recession hitting many so hard, there is more than just a mild interest in the medical marijuana business as a legitimate way to serve the needs of the ill while making a living. Medical Marijuana? This cat is out of the baggie!

I’m always looking for the positive–especially in the stink of things. I look for the horse in the pile of manure, the proverbial silver lining, and believe the Universe has got my back–even when I don’t see it.

I believe our words create our worlds, and the simple turn of a phrase can turn the energy of a situation from funky to fabulous. Please don’t think I’m advocating positive thinking as the only option for dealing with stress. Since I trust in the Law of Attraction, it works for me–mentally and especially emotionally. I know good things are coming my way if I can stay open to the good. For those who embrace skepticism, cynicism and pessimism–if it’s working for you, go for it. Perhaps if expectations are low, you’ll always be pleasantly surprised. Hmmm, there’s a certain logic to that I must admit. I can see why so many embrace that thinking.

Coping with stress can be … tough … challenging … a bitch! And I’ve recently run into that with economic realities. Owning my own business and raising three kids has never been tougher. And I’ve been doing my share of stressing.

But the time for stressing is over. Stress just means my world is too limited. I don’t have enough solutions to the new problems in my life. Stress simply means I’m caught in old patterns of thinking and acting. To bring change to myself and the world, I have to begin with myself.

It’s time to stretch. Stretch to new ways of doing business, new ways of making money, new ways of serving people. It’s time to stretch my mind–look for new perspectives. Time to stretch my legs–increase my physical stamina.

Stressed out to stretched out simply means moving past what’s familiar to being comfortable in the unknown. We don’t have to change everything, we just have to expand what we are already doing–do just a little bit more. Push our brains a bit further. Believe that negative can become positive–and that’s when life gets interesting.

The world is a changin’. Change is a good thing! Yet it is amazing how many of us fear change. Nothing shakes up an office like the phrase, “there are going to be some changes around here!”

Laurence Boldt in his book, Zen and the Art of Making a Living, says “the fear of ‘changing’ is the fear of screwing up; the fear of ‘change’ is the fear of getting screwed.” The distinction is subtle and valid: the first is proactive–afraid that you’ll make a mistake in action; the second is reactive–the fear that life is coming to get you. Life takes a balance of both–going out and getting what you want and sitting back and letting abundance overtake you.

‘Change’ is a Universal constant. It’s inevitable. The key to handling change is being ready and capable–by improving ourselves daily! Do something every day that gives you more confidence or a feeling of well being–read something new, talk to someone with a differing opinion, get your hair done, take a walk…the list is endless. The goal is to build our self-image so we can handle the changes coming our way–and make a few of our own.

When we make small changes to ourselves, and in our daily routines, we can “be the change we wish to see in the world.” Mahatma Gandhi

I’m deep into study of the Seven Universal Laws of Success. This is my third time (in the last two months) reading Sandra Anne Taylor’s book, Quantum Success. I’m not new to the Law of Attraction, having first heard about it 23 years ago in a tape series by Brian Tracy, The Psychology of Achievement, and I’ve spent a good deal of my professional career as a motivational speaker learning and living those principles. Yet today I’m having a hard time living in “potential,” and I’m wondering what to do with these “negative” thoughts and emotions that repel success (according to Taylor). According to all Law of Attraction gurus, negative thoughts repel what you desire. And today I’m feeling the pressure to turn negatives into positives.

I’m also a fan of Karla McLaren. Her book Emotional Genius simplifies and clarifies the link between thoughts and emotions. She doesn’t believe in “negative” emotions, but in the motivational power in all feelings. Anger (an emotion typically labeled “negative”) is not to be suppressed but an emotion that signals a psychological boundary breech. Anger serves the person who feels, processes, and takes time to understand it. Anger is an internal warning system–like when the “service engine” light illuminates the dash board of your car. This “negative” emotions carries some positive benefits once processed.

Today I’m searching for the positive in my negative mind set, while still working with the Seven Universal Laws.

1) The Law of Manifestation: consciousness creates reality. You get what you think about, talk about, dream about, focus on and take action toward. A good question to ask yourself is: what am I creating now? So, what am I creating now with my exploration into “stinkin’ thinkin”? Hmmmph, an article for all of us to learn from. That’s a negative into a positive–this could work.

2) The Law of Magnetism: we attract the same energy we put out. Our dominant thoughts–plus the emotions behind those thoughts–create an energy field and vibration that becomes our calling card. Today, I’m feeling uncertain–not my usual trusting, optimistic self. I’m feeling…human. Many people live their life in fear–how am I going to pay the bills, what if I get sick, who will take care of my kids? My Mary Kay friends say, “fake it ’til you make it,” but I don’t want to put a happy face over “uncertainty.” According to the Law of Attraction, there is no fooling the Universe. And don’t I have to acknowledge uncertainty before I can turn it around? Maybe that’s all this is–the Universe is asking me to step up and declare my intentions.

3) The Law of Pure Desire: our intentions must be pure, our motivations genuine, healthy, and honoring to ourselves and others. How do you want to serve, and what is it you want to accomplish? I had a keynote presentation today–Generational Communication for the Community Associations Institute–(let me shorthand it for you–love your neighbor!) I’m a passionate, gifted speaker and communicator when it comes to communication topics. I spent 8 years on the road, traveling coast-to-coast, living that passion through keynotes and corporate trainings. I did 8-10 full-day seminars a month. Now, I do 1-2 40 minute keynotes monthly. Perhaps this feeling is the Universe calling me to do more of what I do best? That’s definitely a negative into a positive.

4) The Law of Paradoxical Intent: reflects the Law of Magnetism in warning that we’ll get a return on our negative energy as well. If we’re desperate to make something happen, that repulsive vibration will push it away. Desperation creates the paradox, or the opposite, of the original intent, leading us to failure. Now, this is the Law that baffles me most. How can you want something so badly, and still be denied? And this is where I have to call in the theories of Karla McLaren. What if negative doesn’t so much attract negative as move you back to positive? Perhaps the Law of Paradoxical Intent keeps actions true and on the right course?

5) The Law of Harmony: when we consciously choose to create balance and align ourselves with the Universe, our intention and energy open the floodgates of Universal abundance, allowing us access to all the insight, power, and blessing that the world has to offer. We must take complete responsibility for our daily choices, live in balance, accept ourselves, and let go of control. Maybe the lesson today is just that easy. Am I holding on too tight? Am I living in trust or feeling I have to make something happen? Did I live my passion and purpose today? Oh yeah! Then today is a success and tomorrow will take care of itself. Negative into positive–I’m feeling better already.

6) The Law of Right Action: our energy is self-perpetuating in the world. Value, honor, and dignity increase in our lives to the same degree we promote them in our surrounding environment. The question needed before every task: “is this honoring to myself and others?” I guess the question I have to ask myself today: is this feeling of uncertainty honoring to me? If I believe in what I’ve learned in Emotional Genius, then of course it is! Isn’t this nothing more than a gut check? What’s really important to me? My “negative” with the right question has become a “positive.”

7) The Law of Expanding Influence: our energies expand and directly influence the world at large. Our intentions for harmony expand in the consciousness of every human being. Translation: energy is contagious. I’ve known this for some time. I’ve been thanked over and over again for my energy. I’m very accepting of others–even more so of them than myself at times. I just love people and I’m genuinely curious and interested. I like to listen as much as I like to speak. I think that’s the energy that people enjoy–me acknowledging and celebrating them–flaws and all! I know that when I make people feel good about themselves, they go out and do the same to others. And that’s what I was put on the planet to do.

And here we are at the end of the Seven Universal Laws, and I’m feeling better and a lot more certain. Certain that tomorrow is another day…and that giving 100% is good enough…and that the Universal Laws really do work when you work with them.