Chase Your Dreams: Lead Your Dreams

Why follow your dreams when you can chase them? Why chase your dreams when you can lead them?

 

I like that you can “chase” a dream, as opposed to “follow.” Sometimes followers lag behind; can be thought of as slow. Chasers, on the other hand, move at a faster pace…and when chasing a dream, the faster the better. Most people want to catch a dream quickly.  

 

But why do either, follow or chase, when you can take charge of the dream and “lead”? Notice I didn’t say “take control,” I said “take charge.” Control is an illusion. We think we have it, but what we really have are “outcomes.” And outcomes happen whether you’re in control or not.

 

“Leading” is a category and mind-set of its own. Set a direction on a dream, set an intent, and a desired outcome; help propel yourself towards it. Imagine the outcome, see yourself doing the work; let life work with you to help you succeed.

 

 

The quicker, the better.  

One Motivated Mother

     “When are you going to get a real job, Honey?” my parents asked for the umpteenth time. Not in those words, but when I started my own business in 1991, Dad was skeptical (even though he’s a farmer and owned his own business for 50 plus years). Both Mom and Dad would prefer I get a job working for someone else. Someone who’ll pay a solid wage for a good day’s work; someone who’ll pay health benefits, and reward hard work with a promotion and raise. A work place I can settle into and work my way up. I confess I’d like those things, too. But job security is a notion from the past, and the opportunity for a high paying job where you can work-your-way-up is a myth. (A sub-illusion of The American Dream. I’ll tackle THAT topic later.) 

     My first five years out of college, I worked for other companies, three total. Since I started making $10,000/year, every move was made to increase my pay. It only took a few weeks of working for peanuts for me to realize “working for the man” doesn’t pay. So in 1991, I started my own advertising agency. And the 90’s were GOOD! Over the next ten years, I netted between $45-$75,000/year. My husband was working a full-time job—with health insurance benefits for us all! Now THAT’S the Dream—working for myself and making enough money to live comfortably with my husband and three kids. But it didn’t last.

     When the Towers came down in 2001 so did my business. By that time my marriage had ended and I had moved into speaking and training as my career. Contract work was scarce, but the kids and I squeaked by. (Thank God, their Dad still has a great job and he carries the blunt of the kid expenses!)  I was tired of struggling on my own so I made the monumental decision to “go back to work” for someone else. Financial problem solved, right? WRONG. And actually, WORSE!

     When the recession hit, I was working a media job for a radio station. I loved it and I was good! I was on track to hit record sales numbers when the market plummeted. When a new General Manager cut my pay by 55%, I knew (as the only bread earner in the family) I was in trouble. Within five months I was able to find another job (also in media) only to have the same scenario play out. In a nutshell, after three years of “working for the man,” 45 hours a week—with gusto and determination—I am $17,000 in credit card debt (because even with a 55% reduction is salary—babies got to eat!!) AND I’ve lost my home. Ironically, working a job doesn’t work for me!!

     So, here I am 20 years later from my initial realization that “working for the man” doesn’t pay, but I’m still searching for a “job” because—even with unemployment assistance—I can’t make ends meet. More importantly, though, I’m CREATING a job—or trying to. When the majority of jobs pay $10/hr and under, I can’t live on my own and raise three kids making $1200/month anyway. I AM my only hope. So it’s time—along with 2.5 million other out-of-work comrades—to figure out a revenue stream. Because, let’s face it, when the unemployment runs out, there is no one to help.

     But, hey, this is ‘Merica and we’re ‘Mericans!! We’re all created equal and have the same opportunities?! Right? (Yea right. I feel another blog post coming on.)

     If necessity is the mother of all invention, then look out, because  I am one motivated mother!

i-dont-care1.jpgi-dont-care.jpgi-dont-care.jpg   If you find it, let me know. I had it when I went to bed last night, had it when I woke up at 1:30 a.m. If I was a detective, I’d pinpoint the crime—if indeed there is one—sometime between the hours of 2:00 and 3:30 a.m. I think I had it when I did dishes, that would be around 2 a.m. I like doing dishes; I always have. It’s my “go to” activity when I don’t know where to start or what to do next. I do them first thing in the morning as a way to clear my head and set the compass for the day and I do them in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep. Maybe my “give-a-shit” drained away in the dish water.

     I do know, as I returned to bed and lay there in an anxiety-ridden heap of useless flesh, that the only way through this personal crisis is to write. But I’ve been postponing posting (ha, isn’t that an interesting play on words) because I was taught “if you can’t say anything nice…” you know the adage. Well, I’ve got nothing good to say. I’m in a fucking dark hole. Have been for years (not just months—years) and the harder I work the deeper the hole gets. Stop digging, some people say. Work smarter, not harder; run and pray; believe; keep-on-keepin’-on. Insert your own F’ed-up positive-thinking bullshit right here. And let me tell you, I’ve tried them all; I’ve taught them all. I’m not new to The Secret. Brian Tracy taught me the underlying principles in The Secret in his audio program, The Psychology of Achievement when I was 24 years old. I believed it so much, I’ve lived my life doing affirmations, and striving to turn every negative statement and situation I encounter to a positive experience. It’s all bullshit. And I don’t care who’s reading this or what your perspective is, it’s not working for me. Life is not working for me. And I don’t give a shit who knows it. That’s the “give-a-shit” that went missing around 3:00 last night.

     “Fake it til you make it.” A statement I learned in Mary Kay as I struggled to build my team and become a Sales Director—a positive affirmation in action if I ever heard one. My ex-husband, who tends to be a realist, used to tell me I was just lying to myself. Well, I’m done lying to myself and others.

     No, I’m not fine. Life is a shit sandwich and I’m the creamy middle. There’s no one to help, no one I can count on. And I’m so damned exhausted from trying so hard, I no longer care who knows it. To quote my favorite band, “I don’t want to fake it anymore.” (Widespread Panic, Imitation Leather Shoes)

     Every day is a struggle. I see no reprieve from this stressful financial situation and no joy on the horizon. I’m unemployed and the first unemployment check won’t be here for 6-8 weeks. I’m in need of capital so I can start my own business (because “when the going gets tough, the tough get going” and make their own success—isn’t that the capitalistic bullshit we’ve all been taught?). I’ve been going backwards financially since May of 09 and the credit cards are maxed. Rent is due in two weeks and I’ve already tapped the folks and best friend for cash. I need to move out of my apartment but have no place to go or no money to work with. I’m down to my last few dollars and hope hasn’t been in my vocabulary for…ever (unless you count that tequila buzz I had two weeks ago—which turned out to be an alcohol-induced illusion.)

     Do I give-a-shit what you think of this blog post? Or my situation? Or my character? Nope. I’ve lost it. If you find it, keep it.