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Gretchen Rubin, author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller, The Happiness Project, wonders “should you ever let the sun go down on an argument” and decides Yes!
Arguments are anger expressed–think the earthquake scale, 1-10. I’ve never been much for arguing and I haven’t allowed myself to explore the hollowing and healing powers of anger. It’s been a “negative” emotion to work through quickly on the road to feeling positive and “happy.” And I’m afraid I’ve been judging others using anger as a way to resolve their internal dialogs. I now understand. Anger etches it’s own pattern in the sands of our brains; and thoughts and beliefs we know to be true simply wash from beneath us like sand moving out with the tide. The shift in energy–and footing–makes for a powerful conviction of step. Anger makes you stop, take notice and declare an allegiance to yourself.
Anger is good. Anger makes you strong, sharp and clear. Anger chisels away what doesn’t serve you; sculpts, molds and defines what thoughts now do. Anger is a motivator, a driver, an insistent, sometimes prickly nudge in a new direction. It turns upside down energy on end and demands you step in the opposite direction. Anger is GOOD on so many levels.
And then, once you’ve polished and honed your beliefs and you’re rock solid again in who you are, anger is a needy emotion that can hang on too long. It’ll cling to you like cellophane so gently squeeze out or shimmy out, unroll out, or slice that wrapper open knees to nose; but wiggle free and step aside. No need to express anger, you’ve left it, allowed it to be, walked away from it.
Let the sun go down on it. Thank you Gretchen Rubin for the spin. Oh, and Sir Elton John as well.
2. Do let the sun go down on anger.
I had always scrupulously aired every irritation as soon as possible, to make sure I vented all bad feelings before bedtime. Studies show, however, that the notion of anger catharsis is poppycock. Expressing anger related to minor, fleeting annoyances just amplifies bad feelings, while not expressing anger often allows it to dissipate.
